How Portland Anxiety Therapy Transforms Negative Self-Talk in Just 5 Simple Steps

Counseling for anxiety in Portland, Oregon can help you shift your relationship with the inner critic; not by silencing it, but by learning to respond with clarity and compassion.

In anxiety therapy in Portland clients often find that the inner critic doesn’t disappear, it transforms. If you’ve landed here, chances are your inner critic has been loud lately. Maybe you’ve caught yourself spiraling after a small mistake, questioning every interaction, or feeling like you always need to “do more” just to be okay. That voice inside, you know…the one that whispers (or shouts) that you’re failing, behind where you’re “supposed” to be, or that you’re not enough…it might feel like part of you.

In counseling, we don’t try to silence that voice through force. Instead, we get curious. We learn how to shift the relationship. Because here’s the truth: negative self-talk isn’t random. It formed in response to real experiences. What if this voice has been trying to keep you safe, accepted, or out of trouble? What if it may have once helped you survive? That doesn’t mean that we just step back to let it take over. That inner critic may likely be operating from beliefs that are out-of-date, or that weren’t even yours to begin with.

What follows aren’t “tricks” to make your thoughts go away. These are five steps we walk through slowly, intentionally, and with deep respect for where you’ve been. Steps that invite you into a different kind of relationship with yourself. One with less harshness and more choice. One where anxiety doesn’t run the show and where your inner critic doesn’t always get the final word. The inner critic isn’t the enemy but you don’t have to let it lead.

Step 1: Hear the Voice Without Becoming It

The first shift is subtle but powerful. You start to listen for and hear the critic to realize it’s a part, not all of you.

This might look like catching yourself in a moment of spiraling (“I sounded so awkward. They probably think I’m annoying.”) and pausing. Not to argue with the thought, but to notice: “Ah, there’s that voice again.” Even this small shift, hearing the voice without becoming it, can begin to settle an over-activated nervous system.

In therapy, we slow down enough to see the critic as something that arises, not something that defines you. Clients often tell me that just this noticing begins to change everything. It doesn’t make the inner critic disappear, but it does make it easier to breathe around it. To hear it as a protective (if sometimes misfiring) part that doesn’t have to steer the wheel anymore.

Step 2: Learn the Critic’s Role

Once we’ve made space from the critic, we ask a simple but radical question: What has this voice been trying to do for you?

It’s okay if the answer doesn’t come right away. Some critics work to protect against embarrassment. Some learned that self-blame was safer than risking someone else’s anger. Often, they try really hard to help people fit in, to be “good,” to stay in control of a world that never felt predictable.

When we meet the critic with curiosity instead of condemnation, the relationship naturally begins to shift. Suddenly, it’s not a villain or evil force to fight, it’s a tired old guard dog, still barking at every shadow. And maybe, just maybe, it can learn to rest.

Step 3: Step Forward into Leadership

If the critic is the loudest part, therapy helps you find that voice that is more aligned with your values, priorities, beliefs, and sense of self…the one who can lead.

In our work together, clients often discover that there is a calm, wise, clear voice inside that’s been watching all of this unfold. The self that knows shame doesn’t actually lead to growth. The self that wants kindness to guide the way, even if that feels unfamiliar.

This doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine or ignoring real fears. It means learning how to stay in connection with yourself even when the critic is loud. From that place, you don’t have to “get rid of” the critic. You can lead it. Redirect it. Ask it to speak differently, or take a step back.

Step 4: Let Boundaries, Not Shame, Set the Tone

The critic often tries to keep you “in line” through punishment: “You messed up.” “You’re too much.” “Don’t speak up, you’ll regret it.” (any of these sound familiar?)

But what if that voice could learn to help you protect yourself without turning on you?

This is one of the most powerful shifts clients experience. The critic isn’t silenced, it’s updated and re-trained. You might still hear the part of you that says, “This isn’t working,” but now, instead of spiraling, you check in: What boundary needs to be set here? Maybe you say no to something you would’ve pushed through before. Maybe you take the weekend to rest. Maybe you name a need you’ve been swallowing for years even if you’re people-pleasing part protests.

This is when the inner critic becomes an unlikely ally. One who taps you on the shoulder not to shame, but to help you tune in and act from care, not fear.

Step 5: How Anxiety Therapy in Portland Helps You Build a Relationship with Your Inner Critic

The critic doesn’t vanish. But over time, your relationship with it changes.

In anxiety counseling in Portland, we practice what it means to stay in relationship with this part of you. Not to fuse with it. Not to fight it. But to listen, set boundaries, and stay grounded.

Clients often describe this shift not just as healing but liberating. They stop waiting for the critic to disappear and instead start living from a deeper place. A place where self-compassion isn’t indulgent, it’s essential and sustaining. A place where they can respond to anxiety with clarity, not collapse.

That’s what transformation really looks like.

This Is the Work Worth Doing

In my practice offering psychotherapy for anxiety in Portland and across Oregon, I’ve walked this path with clients who’ve spent years believing they were broken. Clients who thought if they could just fix themselves or get the critic to “shut up,” everything would be fine. What they discover instead is that the real healing comes not from fighting their inner voice, but from learning how to stay present with it, and lead.

If this blog resonates with you if you’re tired of trying to silence your inner critic and are ready to meet yourself with more respect, compassion, and clarity, I’d love to support you in that process. You can also read this post I wrote to support you in connecting with the right therapist for your needs.

Let’s begin the work of turning that harsh inner voice into something that supports your truth, not smothers it.

Author Bio

Eric Goodwin (he/they) offers anxiety therapy in Portland and across Oregon for Queer, emotionally attuned, and burned-out clients seeking a more grounded and empowered inner life.

Eric Goodwin (he/they) offers compassionate, mindfulness-based, LGBTQ+ affirming anxiety therapy online in Portland and across Oregon. Through a warm, non-pathologizing approach, Eric helps clients build more spacious and empowering relationships with their inner world; especially the parts shaped by criticism, anxiety, and self-doubt. If you're ready to explore therapy that honors your depth, your needs, and your humanity, reach out to schedule a free 15-minute consultation by calling (971) 533-5590 or clicking here.

FAQs About Anxiety Therapy and Self-Compassion

I’ve been self-critical my whole life. Can therapy really change that?

Absolutely. Change doesn’t mean erasing those patterns, it means relating to them differently. In therapy, we explore where those critical messages came from and why they stuck. Over time, you’ll learn to notice them without collapsing into them. Clients often describe feeling more spacious, more trusting, and more self-accepting, even when the old patterns still show up.

What’s the difference between anxiety therapy and regular talk therapy?

Anxiety therapy focuses specifically on how your nervous system, thoughts, and relational patterns interact, and how to create new pathways of response. In this practice, we combine the practical (tools for grounding, noticing patterns) with the profound (learning how to relate to yourself with compassion and clarity).