How IFS Therapy Helps Anxiety in Portland: Why Parts of You Worry, Push, or Shut Down
IFS therapy for anxiety in Portland can help us understand the parts of us that worry, push, or shut down.
One of the more painful effects of anxiety is in how unfamiliar it can make us feel to ourselves. I'm not just talking "stressed" or "overwhelmed," but genuinely out-of-sorts. When we're really in the thick of it, we can find ourselves reacting to things in ways that surprise or startle us, like withdrawing from people we actually want to be close to, or pushing harder than we know is good for us and not feeling like we're able to stop. If you're looking for anxiety therapy in Portland, there's a good chance some part of you is tired of feeling like a stranger to yourself and hoping to understand what's actually going on underneath all of it.
This is one of the things that Internal Family Systems therapy, or IFS, takes into account that many other approaches to anxiety don't. Instead of treating anxiety like a problem to be managed or eliminated, IFS invites us to get curious about the different parts of ourselves that show up when we're stressed, overwhelmed, or bracing for impact. Within this framework, once we start looking, most of us find that anxiety doesn't really show up as one thing. It has a broad skill set and sophisticated ways to enact them when a threat is detected.
There are parts of us that worry, parts that push, and parts that shut the whole thing down when the situation gets to be too much. I want to stress that none of these parts are villains. Also that none of them are evidence that something is fundamentally broken. These parts are doing jobs, often jobs they've been doing for a very long time, and understanding what those jobs are is where we can begin to change patterns.
So What Are "Parts"?
Most of us are already much more familiar with parts than we realize. We've all had the experience of saying something in an argument and thinking afterward, "that's not actually how I feel." Another familiar experience to many of us is pushing through exhaustion for the umpteenth day in a row and knowing, somewhere deep inside, that this isn't really sustainable or getting us where we want to be going. How many of us have felt the discomfort that immediately follows snapping at someone we love and feeling, even in the moment, like something else was driving us to act?
The gap between what a part of us does and what we actually believe or value or want is exactly what IFS helps us to explore. Rather than using those moments as proof that we're irrational or out of control, with IFS we can get curious about what part of us showed up, what it was reacting to, and what it was trying to protect. In anxiety therapy in Portland, that shift in perspective, from "what is wrong with me" to "what is happening inside me," is often where we can begin to see choice where we previously felt like we had none.
While different parts of us show up at different times, I’d like to focus on three ways that parts can show up specifically in relationship to anxiety; Our parts that worry, our parts that push and our parts that shut down.
The Part That Worries
Worry has an unbelievably strong presence. When it's activated, it can direct our entire focus squarely onto whatever big bad thing we’re afraid of. Parts that worry can be mighty and crowd out other thoughts, hijack our attention, and run vivid scenarios on a loop until we're exhausted, distraught, and no closer to feeling better.
The parts that worry can present as formidable, authoritative forces; the part that knows exactly how everything could go wrong and is very committed to making sure we don't forget it. When we relate to the worrying part as a problem to be silenced, we miss something. We end up in a wrestling match with something that genuinely believes it's protecting us and the wrestling match tends to make it dig its heels in, not switch up its approach. IFS gives us a different option: get curious about what it's so worried about. Not to analyze it or solve it, but just to ask, with some genuine openness, what is this part actually afraid of? What does it most need us to know?
Most people find that when they slow down enough to ask that question honestly, the answer surprises them.
The Part That Pushes
If the worrying part is loud, the pushing part is relentless. This is the part that holds standards that are so high they are out of reach. The one that looks at a genuinely hard week and decides the problem was insufficient effort. The part that pushes has a lot of strong beliefs about rest, specifically, that we haven't earned it. It carries a belief that self-compassion is selfish and indulgent. And slowing down to rest? Uh uh. Slowing down, even briefly, carries risks we can't quite name but definitely can't afford.
The pushing part often has a very active critical voice. It’s like having a micromanaging boss standing over our shoulders reviewing the day's performance with a level of thoroughness that no actual performance review could match. Or a vigilant watcher that can locate every misstep in a conversation from three weeks ago with startling precision, while remaining largely unimpressed by anything we actually got right.
For a lot of people who come into counseling for anxiety in Portland, this part has been running things for years…decades, even. It can look like high achievement from the outside. From the inside it can feel more like being scolded and shamed for our inadequacies.
What's worth noticing (and this is where curiosity starts to become useful) is that the pushing part is working this hard for a reason. We don't have to know what that reason is right away. In fact, assuming we already know tends to short-circuit the more interesting question: what would it actually mean to this part if we slowed down or expressed care and concern toward ourselves? What is it so convinced would happen?
A common phrase in IFS is that no one is getting fired today. We're not trying to argue the pushing part into early retirement. We're just getting curious about it, maybe for the first time.
For many of us in the Queer community, this part has often had extra reason to stay on duty. When we've navigated environments that sent clear messages about how much of ourselves was acceptable, the pushing part absorbed those messages and got to work. Comparing our internal pressure to people who haven't carried those same histories doesn't tell us much, because we have had different experiences.
The Part That Shuts Down
This one often goes unnoticed, or unseen, the longest. The parts that worry and that push tend to really announce themselves and make themselves known. They’re noisy and have opinions! The part that shuts down is quieter in its approach. It can show up in those moments where we lose our words in the middle of a hard conversation or when we cancel plans right as anxiety starts to build up. These parts can be behind that “going numb” pattern, where we know something is happening inside, bet we can’t quite get to it. Moments where we withdraw. We or others may even mislabel these moments as laziness or not caring or not trying hard enough. Sometimes, when these parts are activated, we may look very still when, inside, a whole lot is actually happening.
What tends to hurt most about the part that shuts down is not just the shutdown itself, but everything we tell ourselves afterward. It’s painful to go blank in the middle of a hard conversation, to cancel something we wanted to show up for, or to feel ourselves go numb when we wish we could stay connected. And then, for many of us, the self-criticism barrels in and starts making meaning out of it. Now it’s not just a hard moment, it’s evidence that we’re broken, avoidant, or somehow doing life wrong. IFS can help us interrupt that spiral. Instead of piling on, we can start by getting curious about the experience itself, how shutdown shows up, what it feels like, and what begins to shift when we are no longer relating to it like an enemy.
These Parts Aren’t Our Enemies, and There’s More To The Story
One of the things I appreciate most about IFS is that it doesn’t just identify the parts that are causing trouble. Within this framework, there is more to us than the worry, the pushing, or the shutting down.
There’s a concept of Self in IFS therapy. I want to say right away that I’m not talking about some perfected version of you that you need to achieve, unlock, or spiritually earn. Self is a steadier kind of presence that we all already have, even if anxiety has made it hard to access lately.
From Self, we can notice the worrying without getting completely swallowed by it. We can feel compassion for the part that pushes without automatically obeying it. We can stay with the part that shuts down without deciding it’s a problem to fix right this second. When we’re able to relate to our experience from that place, even briefly, it often feels less dramatic than we might have expected and more like relief. There can be more spaciousness, less urgency, and less pressure to perform. Sometimes it feels like finally being able to exhale somewhere inside ourselves.
We don’t have to force that or manufacture it. As parts begin to feel understood, rather than fought with, shamed, or managed into submission, Self tends to show up more naturally.
What IFS Actually Looks Like in Anxiety Therapy in Portland
IFS can be a helpful way to work with anxiety as a “come as you are approach.” If you’re creative with a robust imagination or super rational and matter of fact, or both, we can work in your style and at your pace. You also don’t have to use any language that doesn’t fit for you, so if you don’t want to call something a part we don’t have to to do this work.
For a lot of people, the first shift is simply recognizing that these internal reactions are not random and they are not the whole truth about who they are. The relentless self-critical voice is a part, not a verdict. The shutdown is not a personality defect. The worry, for all its intensity, is often trying very hard to prevent something bad from happening.
From there, we begin building a different relationship with these parts. Less control. Less panic. Less trying to get rid of them as quickly as possible. More curiosity. More honesty. More room to understand what they’re afraid of and what they’ve been carrying. When parts feel less like threats that need to be managed and more like experiences that can be understood, they often loosen their grip and you can begin to make more choices.
If you’re a Queer or LGBTQIA+ client, this process also makes room for the specific ways your system may have been shaped by identity-based stress, by years of reading rooms, adapting, scanning, performing acceptability, or making yourself more palatable in order to stay connected or safe. Those parts did not come out of nowhere. They showed up for reasons. They deserve care too.
This is part of what I’m attending to in anxiety therapy in Portland. Not just the symptoms, but the lived experience underneath them. Not just how to make anxiety quieter, but how to help you feel less at war with yourself when it shows up. If you’re interested in learning more about IFS and anxiety you can read this blog.
If This Sounds Familiar
If any part of this made you think, “Yep, that’s exactly it,” or, “I didn’t know that had a name,” I’d pay attention to that.
This is the heart of how I work with anxiety. Through IFS, alongside Mindful Self-Compassion, and in an LGBTQIA+ affirming space, we can begin to understand the parts of you that worry, push, or shut down, and help them feel a little less alone in what they’ve been trying to carry.
If you’ve been looking for anxiety therapy in Portland I offer online sessions for anyone in Oregon and you’re welcome to reach out for a free 15-minute phone consultation at (971) 533-5590 or contact me here. We can see if this kind of work feels like a good fit, you and all your parts included.
Eric Goodwin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Oregon and offers online therapy in Portland and throughout Oregon.
Eric works with adults navigating anxiety, harsh self-criticism, high internal pressure, and identity-related stress. His approach is warm, affirming, and focused on helping people better understand themselves while creating more room for ease, clarity, and self-trust.
He offers support for anxiety, LGBTQ+ affirming counseling, and Internal Family Systems, IFS. You can learn more about Eric here.